i am in awe at how fast this fall has unfolded. i am almost at the end of my clinical rotation as an LPN here in southeast minnesota. soon i will start my integrated practicum as a job shadow of a home visitng nurse. once that is done i will then begin to start reviewing my program for the MN state nursing boards. all in all- no small job. the reason this is relavent to my son- with his fetal alcohol attributes- is because i have had to farm him out to my family in the greater chicagoland area for 3 full weeks right here and right now- in order to manage the stressors of arising at 4am several times a week. contrari-wise, as a young man of 20 years old, he can do what he wants and he can do what he will. i am his guardian and i am his mom but it is his job to push away from me and to use me as a bang board- at least some of the time. i am also his bible and his home. his home base. his anchor. his program. his supervisor. his outside brain. he is my guy and i am so proud of him. we must tho become more prideful and planful and separate under one roof. he will have to live through his own school of hard knocks; make his own mistakes- even if his fetal alcohol exposure significantly prevents his learning from his mistakes as folks with neuro-typical wiring would be able to do. his current absence has been welcomed. his pulling of me sideways was only good when it ended. he fought and fought with mom. it took the first 10 days of the 20 he will be there, to finally succumb to the needful schedule. yes i did send him on the amtrack alone, yes i did pay the lady to watch him due to special needs. yes i did send him for one week only and then ask him to stay for three. i knew he wouldn't go if he knew what i needed full out. a first lie really. i never lie to my guy. however simple- plain and simple- i must keep the wording of the concepts- i do not lie to the jess-man. in order to feed my own progress and pay attention to some one but him- i had to virtually banish him, his friends, their social group and what they are calling a good time. he cannot understand how if he does not tell me where he is going or what he is doing or with whom.....i will -most assuredly- awake at midnight, 0200, 0400, 0600. he thinks i should just ignore him and his time zones.
mmmmmmmm? not gonna happen.
maybe when he is 30 [or 40]
poor ole mom- [me] she'll be almost 70, almost 80
at those intervals.
we adoptors tend to be
a little older

when my little boy got past the senior prom, the high school graduation ceremony and subsequent parties, held his own graduation party, slept til noon in june [long ago planned for], went to camp for two weeks, worked with his pca [personal care aid] and had one of his needed two eye surgeries- we realized his habits of staying up way late and sleeping in was now occurring in both july and august. of course the agencies du jour were trying to be thoughtful in scheduling around his camp and his eye surgeries; but now we need them to hop all over it and get him his two more trial jobs so we can meet as a team and hear from him about what type of employment he might like to try on a regular basis. by this we mean during the daytime and during the main stream hours. we need to hop all over this and get him cooking. so far he has tried the following job skill sets: senior citizen dining cleaner, hardware store truck unloading and shelving with register and greeting and phones, in grocery shelving new dairy, detailing cars [read vacuum and hunt for coins] and one four day stint cleaning hotel rooms. he has 2 more trials such as cook's assist at the middle school and something else new.....

he needs his upper body strength kept up, he needs to be awake when the work ethic folks are on the move, he needs growth and praise and he needs a pay check. he has no money and he is not getting any small change out of me due to the smoking. he does not smoke at home but yes! he evidently is smoking now and heaven help us with knowing not what else.

he is so early in his life. i can picture him as a personal care helper himself. he is very kind. he has a warmth about him. also can see him as a vet's assistant for maybe bathing cats and dog and grooming said critters. or a construction clean up guy or a yard worker in landscaping; but then what for winters. he has my admiration. he is true blue hero. he does so much with the faulty equipment he was handed visually and mentally and stamina wise. i love him forever. forever and a day. he is my guy.

August 24, 2006
When a Mama Drinks Alcohol While Pregnant............she certainly drinks for two. The womb is not impervious. There is no filter between the mother's blood stream and the Baby's umbilical source for all of its own circulation and nourishment. When Mama is getting 'happy' on booze; Baby is already "WASTED". Mama can go to CD treatment, find her sanity, sobriety and go on to enjoy a life lived in Recovery from her active alcoholism. Her child however cannot ever recover to operate with a normal intelligence or average judgment. One in one thousand live births in America are still producing 1-2 infants with full fetal alcohol syndrome. Anecdotally, those of us raising these children feel as many as one third of all learning disabilities may have a pre-natal alcohol component.There was a time when whiskey was prescribed to stop premature labor and when a beer before nursing would help let down the nurse milk for Baby through Mama relaxing. These are no longer reccomended. No booze for babies.

August 23, 2006
Fetal Alcohol Exposure is the cause of so much hidden disability; as well as being something so many of us are in sheer denial about- that I decided this blog needed find its own niche in the world of blog. I do not like to see FAS everywhere; it just IS everwhere. It would be best for the babies born exposed to fetal alcohol if their moms could tell the doctors and thus have special needs care and intervention begin immediately. My little boy's diagnosis was made at his birth which was one of the greatest gifts of all. You may be thinking how can a diagnosis of fas be a blessing; but here is just what I mean. If you are visibly recognizable with signs of fetal alcohol exposure-you will get the supports and services you need. If your disabling conditions fall in the wider spectrum disorder now called fetal alcohol spectrum disorder, you may not be offered services and supports. You may not even gain a diagnosis. You might not be diagnosable. If your biological mother will not admit to her drinking while pregnant with you, or was not witnessed to have been doing so- it will be more difficult to gain the appropriate appellation.