i am in awe at how fast this fall has unfolded. i am almost at the end of my clinical rotation as an LPN here in southeast minnesota. soon i will start my integrated practicum as a job shadow of a home visitng nurse. once that is done i will then begin to start reviewing my program for the MN state nursing boards. all in all- no small job. the reason this is relavent to my son- with his fetal alcohol attributes- is because i have had to farm him out to my family in the greater chicagoland area for 3 full weeks right here and right now- in order to manage the stressors of arising at 4am several times a week. contrari-wise, as a young man of 20 years old, he can do what he wants and he can do what he will. i am his guardian and i am his mom but it is his job to push away from me and to use me as a bang board- at least some of the time. i am also his bible and his home. his home base. his anchor. his program. his supervisor. his outside brain. he is my guy and i am so proud of him. we must tho become more prideful and planful and separate under one roof. he will have to live through his own school of hard knocks; make his own mistakes- even if his fetal alcohol exposure significantly prevents his learning from his mistakes as folks with neuro-typical wiring would be able to do. his current absence has been welcomed. his pulling of me sideways was only good when it ended. he fought and fought with mom. it took the first 10 days of the 20 he will be there, to finally succumb to the needful schedule. yes i did send him on the amtrack alone, yes i did pay the lady to watch him due to special needs. yes i did send him for one week only and then ask him to stay for three. i knew he wouldn't go if he knew what i needed full out. a first lie really. i never lie to my guy. however simple- plain and simple- i must keep the wording of the concepts- i do not lie to the jess-man. in order to feed my own progress and pay attention to some one but him- i had to virtually banish him, his friends, their social group and what they are calling a good time. he cannot understand how if he does not tell me where he is going or what he is doing or with whom.....i will -most assuredly- awake at midnight, 0200, 0400, 0600. he thinks i should just ignore him and his time zones.
mmmmmmmm? not gonna happen.
maybe when he is 30 [or 40]
poor ole mom- [me] she'll be almost 70, almost 80
at those intervals.
we adoptors tend to be
a little older